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Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
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