True but thats because hes a fetus.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.