I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
