Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza