He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i was born a porn star she said
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.