i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
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we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
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Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?