suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.