You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
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I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
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So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room