wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's not a walk of shame if you run