VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
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I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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