Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
