if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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