So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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