I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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