Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
