I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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