with your own penis?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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