I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
There are leaves in my underwear?
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