Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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