You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
