my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
farters have to be the big spoon...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
