I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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