I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
ttyl tear gas
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
