Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
