apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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