Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Is it penis luge time yet?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
