I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
