I wish my penis had an off switch
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Non-Jews are for practice
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize