just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize