I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
