this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The air was thick with penises
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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