i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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