I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
