you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
