textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
