she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
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I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
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I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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