Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
dude. I can hear the air.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
