My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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