i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
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