Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
