its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
