Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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