Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
