I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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