I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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