We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
