Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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