FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
