So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
