So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
