i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize