Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
