i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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