all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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