Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
