we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
