I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
