i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
