so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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