So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize