Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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