New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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