does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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