Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
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