Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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