listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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