What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
