i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I love having hate sex.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
