her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
