My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
