Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
