I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
