I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
