She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
