I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
