please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
