So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
