so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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