How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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