I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
