Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize